Sunday night blues

Sitting by herself, watching two screens.  One shows the football game, the other displays her life.  Her throat feels dry and she fills her glass, the one sporting the losing football team logo.  Water first, then white wine, to take off the edge of the Sunday night.  She keeps tissues nearby because of the lingering effects of the upper respiratory infection.  They also come in handy when the tears flow.

The screens are attempting to distract her from her thoughts.

She's wondering why she says and does stupid things.  Like telling her coworker she didn't give a shit.  Maybe it was her fever talking.  And why she left work without an explanation to her boss, although her hacking cough made explanation unnecessary.  When she steps into tomorrow morning, she will face the consequences of her feverish actions and get back to work as usual. 

She thinks she insulted a friend.  Kinda' hard to tell over the internet when her friend only uses a few words at a time.  The screens encourage  more questions.  They remind her of the football team he watches and the city he lives in and his inbox she used to fill.   She can't stand hurting people and this time she may have done damage.  She doesn't know for sure until he tells her so. 

She doesn't really know him.  She wants to know him and she tries to know him.  Her opportunities are limited.  Circumstances are not ideal for getting-to-know-you-better conversations.  She feels out of her element since she is usually the one who asks all the questions and then sits back to listen and learn.  Physical distance prevents her routine.  His  schedule prevents phone conversations. They are left with emails and infrequent chats.  She fears this won't be enough to clearly present herself.

A fine line is drawn between them.  Old friends holding energetic youth and unfinished business.  New friends claiming families and adult responsibilities.  Two friends who see each other for the first time.  She is conscious of keeping the fine line in place and of keeping her place in line.  Unconsciously she reaches toward his strength.   She craves more than the balance allows.