thanks for nothing

taking stock of my life
have been for a few months
since he started to listen
to me

Looking behind me
even though he says I shouldn't
says life is short and unpredicatable
he's right
so WTF
today, now

Highschool alum fill my screen
no matter the clique
back then
no matter the angst
or identity
we all want to know
everything
NOW
today is our past
begun again


I begin again
everyday
every breath
hear the songs
sing and fly
open and close
circles

looking forward
by looking back
looking inward
finding more me
more creativity lost, forgotten
find what you left behind
you do need
what you left behind
you do need what you don't have
that's the trouble

try to live without those things
try to adjust with what you have
NO!
DONE!
TIRED!
angry
sad
lonely
not me

where did I go
and how does she come back?
epiphany of me
a few months running
since he began listening
and reaffirmed my place
my sense
of place, he says
find it
know yourself
know who you are
he says
know thyself

live for today
wtf
you could die today
he could die today
she could too
and him and her and them
all gone
all missed
all here now
including thyself
so live NOW
he says

now I am stuck again
now I know who I am
and I am missing
stuck between who I started to become
and who I developed into
big chasm
lengthy detour

adjustments made along the way
people pleased and fed and clothed
demons battled
battles lost and won
answers sought
questions asked again
adjustments made
people pleased
marriage merger
parental positioning
battles fought and lost and won
again
circles going round
life going on
wtf

where does this carousel stop
and let me off
to run and play
with my former self
she's asking if I can rejoin her
reconnect with myself this time
and finish the story
of me, myself, and I