part deux

I'm a mother of two almost adults.  Daughter is 20 and son is 18.  Daughter lives at University most of the year, son and husband live with me.  Soooo, unlike lots of other bloggers I run into and childhood friends I facebook with, I am pretty much done parenting.  For the most part, the foundation is set.

That leaves me and hubby to....be married?  Oh, it's time for us now?  See, we started with the parental role before we put on our spousal hats, before we knew each other, before we knew how to be each other.  Now we're looking at all the baggage collected during the 21 year journey and wondering what to cull and what to keep.  What lessons have we learned?  What compromises stuck and what conditions stymied?  Do we talk about our future or pretend it will create itself?  Are we beginning again?  Should we?

I spread my fears onto these pages.  I wrestle my thoughts and categorize my questions.  I wonder and wish and want.  I stand in the mud, thick dark mud.  Unrelenting.  Inflexible.  Solidifying.  My muddy garden path, snaking through two decades, leading me in circles and squiggles and to forks in the road.  I'm a traveler and this is my journey.  Looking for daily definitions amongst my shades of grey.  My garden clogs are on and my pruners are sharpened.  Am I ready?