Tonight he stormed and thrashed his way through the main floor. My words biting through his brain like the concert music he just returned from. A chore undone was repeated and requested. The soft sounds of my parental voice threw him over his edge immediately. I could feel his volatility rising, see his body tensing as he vomited disrespect and distrust. Of his mother. For his parent. At this stoic human provider of warmth and comfort and all things Maslow. Choking on tears and frustrating thoughts of incompetence, I forced myself to stand and look this beast in the eye. This is not my son, what have you done with him?
For years Jeff and I have protected, guided, taught, allowed, modeled, provided, listened, comforted, praised, encouraged. Two children born in two years. Life's lessons learned on the job. Our God given fallibility attached to our backs like super hero capes. Nobody's perfect. We are trying our best. Learn from our mistakes and pray for forgiveness. No manual, no instructions, no assembly diagram. We received our kick in the ass and landed face first in family first.
Our intentions were always positive, however negatively we rated our performance. We should of, could of, would of. We have to, must do, plan to. Our children became our purpose. From this day forward, or forever hold your piece. Today they are almost adults. And soon we'll wave proudly as they march in their determined direction. We poured their foundations and watch as they build up their future frame. We have amassed hammers and nails and power tools to lend. Our work gloves are nearby in case they request our input. Rehearsed nods of approval are ready. Wait! The wind has picked up and that delicate two by four has collapsed. One support stud is missing and has left a gaping hole for cold rain to fall through. Step back before it falls on you. This mess needs fixin...Super Parents to the rescue!
We have the professionals in place. This is not our first trip to this rodeo. We have our confidence in tact. Took a couple decades to arouse. Husband and wife are on the same page, the page we've been reading for 18 years. Our hearts are locked and loaded, our words shelved methodically by circumstance. The song remains the same: point him toward success. We have taught ourselves the ins and outs of our son. We know what ticks him off and turns him on. We recognize his faces, smirks, gestures, tones of voice. We can feel his mood before both of his feet cross the threshold. We realize his fears and we have expressed our understanding of his anxieties. Life is one scary four letter word, yes it is. We are here to coach you to the first down. We have the resources, the materials, the safety net. Please let us. We may be your last lifeline before the real world rears its ugly face. We will not give up. You are stuck with us and we pray for your heart to find peace.
God, please allow our son the strength and confidence in his abilities so that he can begin his life walk. Lord, please bless the community with empathy, compassion, and patience as we journey with our son. Thank you for providing our family with another day together. We promise to care for one another as Jesus taught us. Amen.
4 comments:
The raging hormones and the changing brain will, one day, settle down. The resulting young man will be stronger for the work you have done, and the molding of his outline you have managed. But he will be distinctly HIM.
You and your husband united and "on the same page" in your love and concern for your son at this difficult time is so vitally important. My stepson is in his 20's and we went through, and are still going through the ups and downs of him trying to figure out what he wants in life. My former blog was all about being a stepparent and how hard it was, but I stopped writing on it because I needed to take care of ME and focus on the things that made ME happy. It's like that thing they say on the airplane, "Put your mask on before assisting others." My current blog is like my oxygen mask right now.
Thinking of you with hugs. - G
Wonderful summary of parental terrors and trials we all go through -- or will go through -- but expressed deeply and poetically and far more succinctly and cogently than most of us could express (or would dare to admit.)
~~the three of you are wonderful additions to my parental support portfolio...I appreciate your thoughts and welcome your experiences always.
we saw the counselor yesterday...Jeff, JT, and I...even though our son is over 18 and has the right to not share with us. We have worked with this counselor before so that helps and I must say we came up with a good short term goal/plan for familial peace. Now the work begins....
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