in limbo

I really shouldn't be writing right now.  I only have 4 hours to sleep this morning.  Going to the J-O-B.  Not interested.  I'd rather type a bit.

You don't write to me anymore.  I'm probably annoying you with my negativity.  I don't blame you.  I try to keep my distance from downers too.  I miss your letters just the same.  I miss your friendship.  Positively.

The week between Christmas and New Year's day is blurry for me.  My family is home, wandering in and out of the house and my days.  My work schedule is sporadic and frustrating.  I see the tree staring at me and I think how long can I keep you in my living room?  The joy of preparation and anticipation is muddled with to-do lists and deadlines.  Counting down instead of up.

No, I haven't been drinking tonight.  Water, no lemon.

Still trying to figure out my camera and how to transfer pics onto my pc.  Then everyone gets a look at my off centered view of life.  Writing and speaking and shooting what I live.  Please don't be afraid.  My view is skewed but modifiable.  With tender loving care I can see everything clearer.  Think NOW.  Think BE ME.  Think ACCEPTANCE.  Think BREATHE.

What if I don't think at all?  Could be the answer.  Could release me from worry.  Maybe release my expectations so I don't want anything but what I have now.  thanks Bono! (sarcasm inserted here)

With this in mind...I'll be joining my husband in my warm bed now.  I'm allowed to sleep a few hours before servicing the elderly.  My reward for acceptance.  My acceptance of my rewards.

Existentialism anyone?