settling (originally written 11/22, but also works this morning)

I could really use a laugh right now.
One friend is low.  Another friend is away.  Still another friend is lost.  I am alone.

I've never been good at alone.  Even surrounded by people, alone is challenging me.  Remember what you don't have and feel uneasy.  Imagine what you want to have and uneasy turns into easy to ignore.  Settling is  a cousin of alone.

Why do people remind me that it's not what I want or what I have that is important.  Don't they see I can't breathe?  Don't they hear me when I say I'm lonely.  Don't they see me?  One person may, but I don't feel your eyes on me.  Only temporarily, once or twice.  I want more.  I told you that.

Let me sort this out please.  Let me figure where I belong with you and me and everyone.  Work, home, fun, work, family, holidays, expectations, work.  I'm constantly trying to figure and reconfigure my self into the life I'm living.