as she talks herself into being OK

I feel the lump in my throat, the nervous breathing...am I breathing?  I have an interview tomorrow morning.  In ten hours exactly.  I want to like this opportunity.  I want this opportunity to like me.  As a person.  Not as the bestest nurse in the industry.  Tired of competing with my idealistic-ness and the other uninterested so-called RN's in this community.  My experiences have been a varietal group of street smarts (dad always said I needed them) and unfortunate incidents.  All valuable.  All memorable, although I usually don't want any reminders.  

Jeff usually clears my direction and gives me the straight and narrow path to sleep on...when I'm doubtful.  On my own tonight cuz my logical husband lives on planes trains and automobiles today.  He's heading home, from Asia...China.  Been there for two weeks.  His quarterly trip of business and humidity and office bonding by team sport (soccer this time).  This trip I missed him lots.  This trip I had to give up our son to the compassionate surgeon we hired to repair him.  This trip I brought said son and older daughter to IL to saturate their grandparents and aunties and uncles and little cousin kids with almost-adult-aged Michigander love.  A first b-day and the day for fathers.  Good gatherings, calm couch chillin', and lots of football aka soccer.  USA!

So I'm feeling better, only a couple paragraphs down.  See what writing on this plastic board of keys does for my nerves?  Despite the plethera of comedic shows recovering son is surfing to the right of me...John Stewart making fun of my president and my favorite world cup sport...a cartoon with a talking dog and swearing baby and idiotic family guy.  Laughter is laughter is laughter. 

Tomorrow morning I dress to impress, drive 40 miles south, hand a stranger my neatly typed life, and breathe.  Answer questions, ask questions.  Cheerfully chat and delightfully discuss.  Hearty handshake, nothing else allowed.  Listen.  Observe.  Remember.  Breathe.  This is not the only fish in the sea.  I am marketable.  I am marketable.  Keep chanting.  Keep praying.  Keep believing in your breath.

So if the suit still fits, I must acquit.  Tonight's trial is adjourned.  You are allowed to sleep in peace and awake with no worries....now where's that suit hanging?